Well! since Lexx's surgery I've been home pretty much 24/7 with him except a few hours in the evening when I manage to SQUEEZE in some time in the lab.
Today, for the first time, I decided that he needed to do something NOT with me and Kyle and I planned for him to spend a portion of the afternoon at Kyle's job with him.
Lexx has never really been to work with Kyle except a few random times the first summer that we had him, when among other things he managed to fall into a 4 ft deep post hole and get stuck.
So, we decided that I would drop Lexx off and leave him while I was grocery shopping, that way if it was a disaster, he'd only be there for a short period.
Turns out that he was FANTASTIC. He supervised the deck building process, chewed on his marrow bone for a bit and then passed out in the sunshine.
I returned from my shopping with banana popsicles for the guys and sat around chatting for a few minutes, sharing my popsicle with Lexx.
We then decided that I could leave him there the rest of the afternoon so that Kyle could work later and not hinder my SQUEEZING of lab hours.
Kyle reports that he was fantastic, but that he missed me and sat by the gate with his sad ears on whining for awhile after I left. At one point the wind blew and the gate moved and he got excited that MOMMY was back, and proceeded to be very disappointed when I, in fact, was not.
I got greeted with a TON of nubbins when I got home from the lab, like he hadn't seen me in DAYS
I love that he misses me but was still such a good boy. He's growing up
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
defenseless?
Ok, I'm going to start out this post by saying that I adore my dog to bits.
However,
Last night, Kyle's mom was scheduled to arrive late at night. We gave up on waiting for her and went to bed. Lexx is still recovering, so we are still sleeping with him downstairs.
Around two am, Im woken up to key scratching in the door and footsteps in the front hall. Obviously it was them arriving, but it was a strange set of noises to wake up to. Now, they are moving around, moving in suitcases, etc etc.
What does my doberman do? Looks up from his doberball, yawns once, and goes back to sleep.
Now, i know that it wasn't a REAL threat. I know that he's still recovering. I know all of this.
But I can't help but be disappointed in him. I really wanted a doberman for the characteristics that they are known for, protective, loyal, defensive. Does that make me a bad person?
Does it make me a bad owner that I wanted this dog to make me feel SAFE and SECURE?
Maybe he knew not to be concerned. But I still really wish that he'd AT LEAST gotten up to see what was going on. I prefer that he'd have barked. Maybe because I secretly hate that she still has keys to my house and I wish that he'd scared her a little bit...
Maybe because I just... wanted a dog to make me feel safe.
Now a part of me wonders if he'd even wake up if someone came in with bad intentions.
However,
Last night, Kyle's mom was scheduled to arrive late at night. We gave up on waiting for her and went to bed. Lexx is still recovering, so we are still sleeping with him downstairs.
Around two am, Im woken up to key scratching in the door and footsteps in the front hall. Obviously it was them arriving, but it was a strange set of noises to wake up to. Now, they are moving around, moving in suitcases, etc etc.
What does my doberman do? Looks up from his doberball, yawns once, and goes back to sleep.
Now, i know that it wasn't a REAL threat. I know that he's still recovering. I know all of this.
But I can't help but be disappointed in him. I really wanted a doberman for the characteristics that they are known for, protective, loyal, defensive. Does that make me a bad person?
Does it make me a bad owner that I wanted this dog to make me feel SAFE and SECURE?
Maybe he knew not to be concerned. But I still really wish that he'd AT LEAST gotten up to see what was going on. I prefer that he'd have barked. Maybe because I secretly hate that she still has keys to my house and I wish that he'd scared her a little bit...
Maybe because I just... wanted a dog to make me feel safe.
Now a part of me wonders if he'd even wake up if someone came in with bad intentions.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
nothing good happens here.
10 minutes I left him in his crate.
10.
I just needed some space
I just needed some time without worrying about him. I just wanted to garden alone without watching him stuff himself full of grass...
He smashed his incisions open. blood was everywhere.
Now, 150$ and one MORE trip to toronto under my belt, i'm at the end of my rope.
I cannot do this for much longer.
10.
I just needed some space
I just needed some time without worrying about him. I just wanted to garden alone without watching him stuff himself full of grass...
He smashed his incisions open. blood was everywhere.
Now, 150$ and one MORE trip to toronto under my belt, i'm at the end of my rope.
I cannot do this for much longer.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
2 week follow up appointment
Lexx had his follow up appointment today with Dr. Kilburn ( who is back from vegas.. jealous jealous jealous...)
He seemed rather dopey and out of it all morning, including when he was in the examination room. Even though I'm obviously hoping for improvement in that department, at least the doc could see what I'd been talking about and didn't think I was a big nut bag.
I took photos of his paw in case he didn't show signs of weakness while we were there, but he did, so good boy proving that mom isn't dumb.
Dr. Kilburn ran some neurological tests on him and was a little perturbed at the weakness and shaking in his hind end, but ironically he seems more BALANCED now (in terms of both sides suck, rather than one being worse) which is odd. He watched him run, walk, trot and sit/lay down. He also tested his reflexs ( gag reflex, eyes, ears, etc) and pain tolerance in his abdomen.
We aren't sure if the dullness is being caused by pain, so he's been placed back on the pain drugs for a few days to see if that makes a difference at all.
Don't you know it, lexx throws up a HUGE pile of grass in the examination room ( lovely) so he's been put on Pepcid to help with his poor little tummy.
His stitches were removed and his head was xrayed to ensure that the shunt was properly placed, which it is. Using the piece installed above the valve he tested to make sure that the shunt was working, which it is. So that is all good. The tubing has actually uncoiled a lot since the surgery, so he's also happy with that aspect.
Ironically, Lexx is looking great this afternoon. Bright eyes, tail and ears erect and alert, trotting instead of dull dragging walking. He's currently napping, but I feel that things will get better and I'm so glad we had this appointment so that I could ask all of my questions.
He seemed rather dopey and out of it all morning, including when he was in the examination room. Even though I'm obviously hoping for improvement in that department, at least the doc could see what I'd been talking about and didn't think I was a big nut bag.
I took photos of his paw in case he didn't show signs of weakness while we were there, but he did, so good boy proving that mom isn't dumb.
Dr. Kilburn ran some neurological tests on him and was a little perturbed at the weakness and shaking in his hind end, but ironically he seems more BALANCED now (in terms of both sides suck, rather than one being worse) which is odd. He watched him run, walk, trot and sit/lay down. He also tested his reflexs ( gag reflex, eyes, ears, etc) and pain tolerance in his abdomen.
We aren't sure if the dullness is being caused by pain, so he's been placed back on the pain drugs for a few days to see if that makes a difference at all.
Don't you know it, lexx throws up a HUGE pile of grass in the examination room ( lovely) so he's been put on Pepcid to help with his poor little tummy.
His stitches were removed and his head was xrayed to ensure that the shunt was properly placed, which it is. Using the piece installed above the valve he tested to make sure that the shunt was working, which it is. So that is all good. The tubing has actually uncoiled a lot since the surgery, so he's also happy with that aspect.
Ironically, Lexx is looking great this afternoon. Bright eyes, tail and ears erect and alert, trotting instead of dull dragging walking. He's currently napping, but I feel that things will get better and I'm so glad we had this appointment so that I could ask all of my questions.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Bloat Scare
So... apparently when it rains it pours..
Last night lexx went to bed a ok.. around 12:30 he woke up coughing and gagging, like he was trying to throw up. He got up and started to pace, mildly panicked. Of course I was up in a flash, what the hell is wrong with my dog NOW. I take him outside and all he wants to do is eat grass, he's literally hauling me to grass. Still gagging.
I listen to his stomach, its gurgling, and he doesn't look swollen... but when I touch his abdomen he grumbles...lexx never grumbles...so.. I call the emergency vet. Just as we walk out the door, he pukes up a whole bunch of grass and some kibbles.
1 in the morning, we're sitting at the emergency vet because I'm terrified that he has bloat. 325$ and an xray later, the vet says he has some gas, but nothing horrible, but that i was TOTALLY right for bringing him in. He congratulated us on being so vigilant. Now I have a funky x ray showing his tubing ( which for the record I think is bunched up... which means MORE surgery) but very cool!
The poor vet and tech, they were trying to get him to lay down on his right side for the ray and when the girl went to replace my hands, she kept trying to push down on his neck. NO NO NO i'd say, NO touching there! NOOOO!
I think to myself every day how lucky I am that lexx trusts me. I lifted him up onto the table and said lexxington.. down boy. and he downs. then i say ok boy, over on your side ( and point my gun fingers at him) and ROLLLL onto his side he goes. He kept getting upset when i went to leave and I finally leaned over him and said.
Lexx, you're ok. mom is here. stay still. And he did. still.
They were impressed.
Needless to say, the rest of the night SUCKED. He kept getting up and pacing, wouldnt settle for long. I think from all the gagging and the throwing up his throat is bothering him. He'd sleep for 30 minutes, then his throat would start to kinda.. well he'd swallow a lot. Then he'd cough and get up and pace for a minute, then he'd curl back up on me.
In the middle of the night I got so irritated ( and was still WIDE awake) so we went for a walk down the street, he peed, it was raining. When we got back he literally RAN to the bed and curled up. DONT MAKE ME GO OUT AGAIN MOM! I'LL BE GOOD!
I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep more than 30 minutes all night.
Last night lexx went to bed a ok.. around 12:30 he woke up coughing and gagging, like he was trying to throw up. He got up and started to pace, mildly panicked. Of course I was up in a flash, what the hell is wrong with my dog NOW. I take him outside and all he wants to do is eat grass, he's literally hauling me to grass. Still gagging.
I listen to his stomach, its gurgling, and he doesn't look swollen... but when I touch his abdomen he grumbles...lexx never grumbles...so.. I call the emergency vet. Just as we walk out the door, he pukes up a whole bunch of grass and some kibbles.
1 in the morning, we're sitting at the emergency vet because I'm terrified that he has bloat. 325$ and an xray later, the vet says he has some gas, but nothing horrible, but that i was TOTALLY right for bringing him in. He congratulated us on being so vigilant. Now I have a funky x ray showing his tubing ( which for the record I think is bunched up... which means MORE surgery) but very cool!
The poor vet and tech, they were trying to get him to lay down on his right side for the ray and when the girl went to replace my hands, she kept trying to push down on his neck. NO NO NO i'd say, NO touching there! NOOOO!
I think to myself every day how lucky I am that lexx trusts me. I lifted him up onto the table and said lexxington.. down boy. and he downs. then i say ok boy, over on your side ( and point my gun fingers at him) and ROLLLL onto his side he goes. He kept getting upset when i went to leave and I finally leaned over him and said.
Lexx, you're ok. mom is here. stay still. And he did. still.
They were impressed.
Needless to say, the rest of the night SUCKED. He kept getting up and pacing, wouldnt settle for long. I think from all the gagging and the throwing up his throat is bothering him. He'd sleep for 30 minutes, then his throat would start to kinda.. well he'd swallow a lot. Then he'd cough and get up and pace for a minute, then he'd curl back up on me.
In the middle of the night I got so irritated ( and was still WIDE awake) so we went for a walk down the street, he peed, it was raining. When we got back he literally RAN to the bed and curled up. DONT MAKE ME GO OUT AGAIN MOM! I'LL BE GOOD!
I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep more than 30 minutes all night.
Friday, April 17, 2009
boredom..
Poor lexx, he's so bored.
Since his stitches don't come out until next tuesday, he has to remain calm and on leash. CALM. I don't know how many male dobermans, or dobermans in general that you have met, but CALM is NOT a part of his vocabulary. Me forcing him to remain CALM has directly caused him to become BORED.
He wants to run and play, but I won't let him... and his body won't let him. After out 2k walk this morning, he was TIRED, dragging behind me ( very un lexx like) and droopy. But then kicks in the "toddler" syndrome. Exhausted, but won't sleep. He paces.. around and around.. and around. No distracting him with toys, treats, bones...sleep? nothing.
I have to admit, he's been excellent about ringing his bell to go outside. Since Lexx's brain issues ( or the drugs he is on because of the brain issues) have caused his housetraining to falter dramatically, I'm still puppy obsessed with putting him out to pee. I don't bother to wait for him to ask, because he's had so many accidents. Its just like a 10 week old, out after eating, out ofter playing, out after napping. Its exhausting.
Since his surgery though, no accidents ( yet) and he's been ringing his bell on the door to inform us of needing out. It seems that he doesn't have to pee nearly as much now, because if I take him out without him ringing his bell, 85% of the time he won't pee and just stands there and stares at me blankly.
However! this whole I ring my bell = mom lets me outside thing has come to bite me back. For the first time in 6 months its 20C outside and SUNNY and glorious and Lexx just wants to be OUT all the time. OUT OUT OUT MOM! OUT! bing bing bing. He comes in for 2 minutes and BING he wants out again. I don't want to discourage bell ringing, or what it means, so EVERY time i take him out. He soaks up sun.
Im exhausted. Getting up at 5, puppysitting all day, working until 11pm and going to bed at 1.. is NOT a good routine.
Since his stitches don't come out until next tuesday, he has to remain calm and on leash. CALM. I don't know how many male dobermans, or dobermans in general that you have met, but CALM is NOT a part of his vocabulary. Me forcing him to remain CALM has directly caused him to become BORED.
He wants to run and play, but I won't let him... and his body won't let him. After out 2k walk this morning, he was TIRED, dragging behind me ( very un lexx like) and droopy. But then kicks in the "toddler" syndrome. Exhausted, but won't sleep. He paces.. around and around.. and around. No distracting him with toys, treats, bones...sleep? nothing.
I have to admit, he's been excellent about ringing his bell to go outside. Since Lexx's brain issues ( or the drugs he is on because of the brain issues) have caused his housetraining to falter dramatically, I'm still puppy obsessed with putting him out to pee. I don't bother to wait for him to ask, because he's had so many accidents. Its just like a 10 week old, out after eating, out ofter playing, out after napping. Its exhausting.
Since his surgery though, no accidents ( yet) and he's been ringing his bell on the door to inform us of needing out. It seems that he doesn't have to pee nearly as much now, because if I take him out without him ringing his bell, 85% of the time he won't pee and just stands there and stares at me blankly.
However! this whole I ring my bell = mom lets me outside thing has come to bite me back. For the first time in 6 months its 20C outside and SUNNY and glorious and Lexx just wants to be OUT all the time. OUT OUT OUT MOM! OUT! bing bing bing. He comes in for 2 minutes and BING he wants out again. I don't want to discourage bell ringing, or what it means, so EVERY time i take him out. He soaks up sun.
Im exhausted. Getting up at 5, puppysitting all day, working until 11pm and going to bed at 1.. is NOT a good routine.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Special Needs Doberman Link
SND has finally posted Lexxington's case on their website
Here is the link:
http://www.doberman911.org/cases/lexxington.html
I hate that this is the best thing to happen to me today!
Lexx continues to improve. He was a little bit off this morning, maybe achy since he went off his pain meds yesterday, maybe something else, who knows.
By the time I got home from work at 10pm, he was acting more normal, bouncing around ( much to the disdain of Kyle and I), insisting that the kitties share THEIR food and ready for a good long snuggle on the couch.
Currently he and Kyle are sharing a pillow on the couch, both passed out.
Here is the link:
http://www.doberman911.org/cases/lexxington.html
I hate that this is the best thing to happen to me today!
Lexx continues to improve. He was a little bit off this morning, maybe achy since he went off his pain meds yesterday, maybe something else, who knows.
By the time I got home from work at 10pm, he was acting more normal, bouncing around ( much to the disdain of Kyle and I), insisting that the kitties share THEIR food and ready for a good long snuggle on the couch.
Currently he and Kyle are sharing a pillow on the couch, both passed out.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
HOME!!!!
Lexxington is HOME!
best thing in the ENTIRE world having my baby back with me again.
You'd never really know that he'd had a major surgery, aside from the ridiculous incisions down his head and across his side. He's a bit swollen and kinda ouchy I think, He's calmed than normal.
We already went for a nice long walk this morning. Since he's only allowed to walk ON leash for the next three weeks ( oh..sigh..) we're going to be doing A LOT of walking to keep this bouncy ball calm.
His tummy seems a bit upset, but I'm not overly surprised being that he's on SIX pills a day and just had a major operation.
Anyways, he's here and he's alive. Now that might SOUND silly to say, but trust me... after what we've been through, every single day is a bit of a blessing... I had nightmares for WEEKS that he was going to die on the table and I'd regret everything and feel horrible. I'd wake up crying and sobbing and screaming. It was terrible.
So there you go, he's here.
As a side note:
I was a bad person and didn't contact Lexx's breeder to tell her that we were doing the surgery. I feel really badly about it, she had the right to know... I guess I'm just so used to going it alone, that I didn't think of it. needless to say, she's been updated and I really hope that we'll stay in closer contact now. I'd like her to be sure that Lexx is alright... nobody needs to wonder.
best thing in the ENTIRE world having my baby back with me again.
You'd never really know that he'd had a major surgery, aside from the ridiculous incisions down his head and across his side. He's a bit swollen and kinda ouchy I think, He's calmed than normal.
We already went for a nice long walk this morning. Since he's only allowed to walk ON leash for the next three weeks ( oh..sigh..) we're going to be doing A LOT of walking to keep this bouncy ball calm.
His tummy seems a bit upset, but I'm not overly surprised being that he's on SIX pills a day and just had a major operation.
Anyways, he's here and he's alive. Now that might SOUND silly to say, but trust me... after what we've been through, every single day is a bit of a blessing... I had nightmares for WEEKS that he was going to die on the table and I'd regret everything and feel horrible. I'd wake up crying and sobbing and screaming. It was terrible.
So there you go, he's here.
As a side note:
I was a bad person and didn't contact Lexx's breeder to tell her that we were doing the surgery. I feel really badly about it, she had the right to know... I guess I'm just so used to going it alone, that I didn't think of it. needless to say, she's been updated and I really hope that we'll stay in closer contact now. I'd like her to be sure that Lexx is alright... nobody needs to wonder.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
out of surgery!!
Lexx's surgeon called to let us know that he's out of surgery and everything went well. No signs of intercranial bleeding, the highest risk factor, no adverse reactions to the anesthetics, no seizures!
so far, so good.
I miss him like CRAZY
so far, so good.
I miss him like CRAZY
the BIG day!
Well!
After a series of mishaps and missing equipment, Lexx's surgery is FINALLY a go for today. I was starting to think that it would never actually happen. We had to wake up extra early to get him into Toronto before the morning traffic, and the Lexxball was NONE too pleased about being woken up so early, having his meds shoved down his throat and the complete lack of puppy breakfast. He gave me his ANGRIEST ears about it all morning until he realized that we were going on a car ride.
Notably, all he does in the car is sleep, but it means that he's coming with us, wherever we are going, and therefore, he loves car rides. Little did he know that he was being left somewhere and not coming home with us again. Oh just saying that makes me start to tear up.
So, after dragging me into the vet's office and DEMANDING to be allowed to be friends with the dalmation cross with a cast on, we filled out the appropriate paperwork, I signed my life away on my credit card and they came to take him to the back. I barely had time for a quick "i love you be good" and a kiss on the head before he was gone. In retrospect, it was probably better that way, because I might have totally lost it otherwise.
Other than the damn tech calling him Lexy.. i HATE it when people do that. LEXX or LEXXINGTON, NOT LEXY HES A BOY DAMMIT. Everyone was really nice and on the ball ( FINALLY)
How do you explain to a dog that its for their greater good? Or that you're only doing something because its the BEST thing for them? Or that you WILL be back and that you are in fact NOT abandoning them forever? See? thats the problem... you can't explain those things. This always leaves me with this horrible fear that he thinks his mommy will never come back.. or that he thinks I'm angry with him about something and left him there..
I know that dogs don't actually THINK that way... but I think that way... and I get upset every.single.time.
I left him with strict instructions that he was ONLY to get the food that I brought with him... ( wet food wellness 95% meat cans and his orijen kibbles) and that NO they were NOT to feed him whatever they normally feed ( yeah right, some pedigree crap or something equally as disgusting..) They must have thought me insane, but I don't really care. He only deserves the BEST and especially after a surgery, I want him eating the BEST food possible. This is one time that i'm really glad that I don't feed raw... they will not allow raw in the ICU due to immuno-compromised animals being present.
Now I get to wait. Its going to be the longest Wednesday of my entire life. I'm sick, and stuck at home.. waiting... and wondering.. all day.
please send all your healing thoughts.
After a series of mishaps and missing equipment, Lexx's surgery is FINALLY a go for today. I was starting to think that it would never actually happen. We had to wake up extra early to get him into Toronto before the morning traffic, and the Lexxball was NONE too pleased about being woken up so early, having his meds shoved down his throat and the complete lack of puppy breakfast. He gave me his ANGRIEST ears about it all morning until he realized that we were going on a car ride.
Notably, all he does in the car is sleep, but it means that he's coming with us, wherever we are going, and therefore, he loves car rides. Little did he know that he was being left somewhere and not coming home with us again. Oh just saying that makes me start to tear up.
So, after dragging me into the vet's office and DEMANDING to be allowed to be friends with the dalmation cross with a cast on, we filled out the appropriate paperwork, I signed my life away on my credit card and they came to take him to the back. I barely had time for a quick "i love you be good" and a kiss on the head before he was gone. In retrospect, it was probably better that way, because I might have totally lost it otherwise.
Other than the damn tech calling him Lexy.. i HATE it when people do that. LEXX or LEXXINGTON, NOT LEXY HES A BOY DAMMIT. Everyone was really nice and on the ball ( FINALLY)
How do you explain to a dog that its for their greater good? Or that you're only doing something because its the BEST thing for them? Or that you WILL be back and that you are in fact NOT abandoning them forever? See? thats the problem... you can't explain those things. This always leaves me with this horrible fear that he thinks his mommy will never come back.. or that he thinks I'm angry with him about something and left him there..
I know that dogs don't actually THINK that way... but I think that way... and I get upset every.single.time.
I left him with strict instructions that he was ONLY to get the food that I brought with him... ( wet food wellness 95% meat cans and his orijen kibbles) and that NO they were NOT to feed him whatever they normally feed ( yeah right, some pedigree crap or something equally as disgusting..) They must have thought me insane, but I don't really care. He only deserves the BEST and especially after a surgery, I want him eating the BEST food possible. This is one time that i'm really glad that I don't feed raw... they will not allow raw in the ICU due to immuno-compromised animals being present.
Now I get to wait. Its going to be the longest Wednesday of my entire life. I'm sick, and stuck at home.. waiting... and wondering.. all day.
please send all your healing thoughts.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
surgery today?
So lexxington's surgery is SUPPOSED to be today
ITs 8:20, we have to leave at 9:30 and i STILL don't know for SURE because apparently some clips were missing from the package of stuff needed for the surgery. yeah. great. thanks guys.
Seriously, i'm at the END of my ability to deal with this. THIS SHOULD HAVE GONE SMOOTHLY, not been delayed multiple times, and now sitting waiting the DAY OF still not knowing.
This is seriously affecting my ability to cope with the idea all together.
*sigh*
ITs 8:20, we have to leave at 9:30 and i STILL don't know for SURE because apparently some clips were missing from the package of stuff needed for the surgery. yeah. great. thanks guys.
Seriously, i'm at the END of my ability to deal with this. THIS SHOULD HAVE GONE SMOOTHLY, not been delayed multiple times, and now sitting waiting the DAY OF still not knowing.
This is seriously affecting my ability to cope with the idea all together.
*sigh*
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